I cringe when I see people posting on social media or constantly talking about how lonely they are, how they are no use to anyone, how they don’t have any friends, etc. No matter how much people try to convince them that they are wrong, they seem to want to wallow in their misery. Unfortunately, they will continually be lonely and friendless if they do not change their mindset.

I am not one who promotes self-esteem, because I do not see that as a Biblical concept, but I would like to address people who have developed a negative view of their life and have allowed that to become their focus.

If you are a Christian, you need to believe that God has a purpose for your life. There is a reason that you are here right now, in the family you are in, surrounded by the people that you are. This is the first truth that you must settle.

I also want to say that I know depression is real. Whether chemical, physical, spiritual, or brought on by a series of circumstances, people can feel very low at times. But there is a difference between going through a dark time that you are fighting to come out of and just being an Eeyore kind of person. The fact is that everyone has struggles, and it’s a rare person that will hang in with someone that is 24/7/365 self-focused. It’s not that they don’t care. They just honestly don’t know how to help you.

Many years ago, I was one of those self-focused people. I felt like I had reason to be since my parents had divorced, my stepfather was abusive, I had to help care for my younger sisters, etc. But looking at it now, I expect those things helped to shape me into the person I have become. I was probably in my late 20s before I totally got past that and realized that I would rather have people who loved me instead of people who felt sorry for me. I began to work towards that by being a friend, lending a listening ear to others, learning to laugh instead of crying all the time, and not making everything about me.

Today I am aware that I am overly blessed by having friends all over the country who care about me, but it isn’t because I’m special. When my primary focus shifted from myself to God and others, God brought people into my life who became real encouragers and examples of what friends should look like, and I am thankful for that.

As I write this, I expect that it’s a minority of people reading this who will relate, but if I could admonish one lonely, in-turned person to change focus, I think it’s worth my time to do so. We weren’t created to spend our lives feeling sorry for ourselves. Life is short, and we have work to do. If you’ve developed a habit of self-focus, it most likely won’t change overnight but you can begin to train yourself to think differently. Saturate yourself with the Word. Start with Philippians 4:8. Please don’t stay in the mindset you’re in until your prophecy that you will always be alone comes to pass.