Editor’s note: Our lead story that would have filled this top space was redacted shortly before press time. Pat Barker heard it maligned his hero Michael Booth and threatened to “go all Will Smith up in amongst y’all.”
The three members of Triumphant Quartet not named Scotty have said they collectively opted not to compete in the recent Scotty Inman Lookalike contest. Bass singer Eric Bennett claims to have overheard Scotty’s father Clayton muttering, “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”
The Nelons have unveiled plans to purchase the Dollywood theme park in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee and convert it into the ultimate wedding venue. Couples will have the option of tying the knot while riding on the Lightning Rod roller coaster or the Dollywood Express train; if the bride, groom, or both happen to be prone to motion sickness, they may opt to be married instead on the stage of Showstreet Palace Theater between Kingdom Heirs shows.
Inspirations members Wyatt Austin and Isaac Moore and their two respective brides-to-be were in negotiations to have the first double wedding ceremony at the former theme park turned wedding destination. Talks stalled, however, after Amber Nelon Kistler refused to wear a Dolly Parton wig and belt out “I Will Always Love You” for their event.
A source close to Gold City possibly named Barbara says group owner Danny Riley believes Grant Gibson will eventually agree to become their next lead singer. Riley cited the fact that no male singer has ever remained with Karen Peck & New River more than five consecutive years, but said he is prepared to wait even beyond 2023 when Gibson would tie that record if necessary. To sweeten the deal, Riley has reportedly offered to install a Sleep Number mattress in a bunk on Gold City’s bus for Gibson’s exclusive use.
The National Limerick Society will present a special Impact Award to French Lick, Indiana-based disc jockey (WFLQ) Randall Hamm at their upcoming 2022 convention in May. The Nantucket-based organization issued a press release stating that the constant stream of lame jokes Hamm frequently shares on his Facebook page have made limericks seem “not so low-brow, as most might allow, but witty and wise after all.”
The 3 Heath Brothers announced they will appear in a series of upcoming commercials for The Hershey Company costumed as 3 Heath Bars. Not to be outdone, Rob Mills and sons Levi & Jacob of The Sound recently finalized contract negotiations with Marvel Studios to co-star with Samuel L. Jackson in an exciting action movie titled The Sound & Nick Fury. The film is expected to release in the summer of 2024, but that could change pending the outcome of a trademark violation lawsuit filed by the William Faulkner estate.
After publishing lame jokes about the 3 Heath Brothers and The Sound, MusicScribe is considered to be the frontrunner to win the National Limerick Society’s Impact Award in May of 2023.
The best news stories I’ve heard all year!